Pregnancy…I Was Scared Too!

At the tender age of nineteen, I found myself literally terrified as I stared into my future via the positive lines of a home pregnancy test. I walked down the stairs of my three bedroom apartment and explained to my fiance that I was in fact pregnant. I then proceeded to fling the test itself at him to ensure he had a closer view. He was grossed out, as it did in fact slip my mind that I had just peed on it. It was not lost on him though. I never could truly understand at the time what having a child or children would entail. I especially could not predict the amount of laughter that would be brought into my life. It is so easy to see the burdensome side of having kids.Yes, it is true that they absorb. They absorb time, finances and energy. However, just as they take, they give back so much more. These are the things that women do not hear about when making decisions about parenthood. I have found my children to be a 24 hour comedy show and I enjoy every minute.
Now for a little more truth about my pregnancies. I thought that it would be less scary with each following pregnancy. That couldn’t be more false. I was scared every time I read those “positive” results. It’s interesting that it’s called “positive” because that is not at all what I was feeling. It wasn’t so much my own thoughts I was afraid of, but the thoughts of others. I worried more about their warped thoughts about me rather than the truth I knew about myself. I knew that if God had me give birth to a child, then he would use that child for his purpose if I brought them up knowing his ways. Do not ever convince yourself that God cannot take your mess and turn it into a message. Maybe you think that your baby has no purpose if born out of wedlock. That is not true. The Bible says that God works everything together for his good. That includes the things that we think he wouldn’t use. God took a Christian murderer and used him to preach the gospel. We see the murderer, while he sees the potential.
I don’t live in a luxurious home and have very few pairs of pants that don’t have holes in the knees. It is rare for me to get a shower without a knock on the door. It is rare for me to speak on the phone without sounding like I have Tourette’s syndrome due to talking between my children and the person on the other line. Even so, some people think that I am the scum of the earth because of what I lack. To my children, I am a queen because of what I gave and continue to give up to make them happy. When my self-esteem is low, my son looks at me and says “You are beautiful mommy.” When I am in a bad mood, my oldest daughter will say something completely off the wall that causes me to erupt in laughter. When I feel unwanted, my middle daughter will ask me to lay with her or show up at a classroom party. In those moments, my children’s purpose brings me purpose.
So please know that your child may not be something you planned, but God has a plan and role for them in your life. It’s something that will take time for you to see, but one day you will look at your child with no regret’s. You will understand fully the reason you kept them.
Today I ask you not to place your trust in what I am writing, but in what God has promised. The Bible says he takes care of the birds of the air and how much greater are we than those birds? Keep your child and trust that if God allows it to be, he will provide you with everything necessary to take care of them. As a friend once told me, “If it’s God’s will, it’s God’s bill (Angie Jeffers).” I hope today that you will make the choice to keep your child. There are too many children in heaven that never knew their mothers. Yes, your baby has a soul at the earliest time of conception. For the Bible says “”Before I formed you in the womb I knew you.” Jeremiah 1:5